We're Getting There

Having already discarded the idea of the Isles making the playoffs, a sense of serenity washed over me last night as I watched them outplay the Flyers in Philadelphia and then lose in the OT. I believe I am discovering that joy I had been seeking in watching what I know will be a losing team.

Mark Streit has been an absolute pleasure to watch. I am hoping he is not Mariusz Czerkawski V. 2, a very good player on a lousy team and a so-so player on a good team. (although, I guess at the point the Islanders become a "good team," I would be remiss to dwell on the play of Mark Streit.) He makes excellent decisions in both zones, attacks the net when the play is there, and has the kind of patience with the puck in his own end that instills something I remember feeling years ago after drinking 10-12 beers: confidence.

Trent Hunter has found himself, making his presence known on nearly every shift, playing strong on the puck, and, finally, shooting! Shoot shoot shoot. He's got a good one.

Nice to have Andy Sutton back. Nice to see Mitch Fritz! (Clap! Clap!) Mitch Fritz! (all credits to Mr. Bad Example for that one ... .) And, once again, MacDonald is holding on.



Kyle Oh!poso is playing well, although he was a little bit lost on the shuffle last night. He's hitting people when he needs to, and doing some nice things around the net. It will come. I believe.

If the Isles had Martinek and Witt, they win this game. Looking forward to Saturday.

Now if we can get Scott Gordon to drop a few Stengel lines ... .

The Return of Herrmann Monster

(he hates Rangers too)

I have to keep this short. But this? Really? When you hear imminent news of departure, you write these ridiculous stories every week. We haven't heard that news.

We know the Lighthouse deal is important, etc. But where is this nonsense coming from? The team is terrible. The team has been terrible before. It's not surprising. The Islanders are supposed to be terrible this year. That's. How. You. Get. Better.

Charles Wang, for all of his failures, owns a team that has made the playoffs four times in the past seven years. That's not that awful. Also, he's never given any (any!) indication he wants to move the team. He wants to develop an entire fucking neighborhood/city around the fucking Coliseum. That is good. That is a nice, good thing. Yeah, he's going to make money. Someone makes money on almost every thing in the world that is good, even peace, love, dope, and anal beads.

Assholes.

The Isles looked pretty good for two periods. They don't finish well, but they did skate, forecheck, etc. for at least 40 minutes. They wilted in the third and got all disjointed, but I'm not going to complain. The Rangers are good. There, I said ... oh fuck it. There is nothing that pisses me off more in sport than seeing asshole Rangers fans at the Coliseum. Go back to Manhattan where you live ... oh wait, no one can afford to live in Manhattan. Go back to Jersey, or Rockville (is that even a place? I'm from Binghamton, fuck you), or wherever you motherfuckers live, and cheer against your hometown team in your living room, you insufferable twats.

Here's one huzzah! for our man Kyle Oh!poso. He looked good last night. I saw four of five good shifts, and we're Islanders fans, we'll take it.

It's snowing six inches up here today. I'm putting on the foil.

The Joy of Losing

Jim Baumbach at Newsday makes this point that the Islanders are "basically hockey's version of the Tampa Bay Rays, circa any year from 1998-2007." Brace yourselves, because a lot of losing teams across the sports spectrum are going to be the subject of similar columns this week.

Baumbach thinks the Isles, like the Rays, should lose and draft well. I agree, although it's probably easier to do so in baseball, provided you believe in things like numbers and stats, and find trading partners who insist so strongly on giving you Scott Kazmir even your idiot GM can't turn down the deal.

Back from the digression.

I agree with Baumbach, although he's taking a "no shit" kind of stance. He also advises against fans getting too frustrated with this year's installment, likely a reaction to scattered booing and empty seats last night on the Island for a 5-3 loss to the Stars.

I would advise the same, but it won't do any good as some people like to boo, and most people don't like to buy tickets to watch terrible teams. (and I don't blame them.) Bad hockey is not a pleasant thing to watch.

I am going to try to find some joy in the Islanders' haplessness this year, although I think it will be a struggle.

Can't Anybody ...

There is joy to be found in lousy baseball. It's difficult to say why. I would have thought a terrible baseball team would actually win more percentage-wise than a terrible hockey team, but the Nationals won about 37 percent of their games this season. Last year's worst hockey team, the Lightning, won about 38 percent of the time.

It's easier to brush off a loss in baseball, but it's also much harder to make the playoffs. Maybe it's the nature of the game -- I find sports that require constant strategic interaction between players -- football, hockey, basketball -- tough to watch when played "ugly." There's nothing aesthetically pleasing about 30 percent from the field, Roman Hamrlik moving the puck out of his end in the Islanders days, or the Oakland Raiders. They might make a few plays worthy of bumbling blooper reels, but mostly it is frustration and boredom to watch a poor team swamped by a better team. See: Dallas Stars v. New York Islanders, Oct. 23, 2008.

You can make the argument that baseball is not as "passionate" a game as hockey (or football and basketball), and I would grudgingly agree (except in the case of basketball), as I don't think baseball's drawing attraction is "passion," at least in the body contact and physical pain/striving sense. And that makes it easier, at least for me, to enjoy a losing team.

I know I'm failing on this point. I accept it. Stick with me.

I would like to derive the kind of pleasure watching this Islanders team I am often able to derive from watching bad baseball teams (coincidentally, I'm a Mets fan). Aside from ignoring obvious mistakes, bad penalties, and missed scoring opportunities, I think the key lies in thoughts such as "hey, I really like those throwback third jerseys," "Ice Girls are hot," and "think of the bright side, if this team is good in 10 years, DiPietro will still be here," etc. Also, looking for nice outlet passes, decent shifts from youngsters, and trying not to think of Deb Kaufman (you motherfuckers).

That's all I got. Advice will be accepted.

I think I need to lay down.

Get in your mouse and get out of here

There's something about watching former athletes who've become caricatures revert to the anger and intensity of their playing years that is mildly frightening (see: Barry Melrose after Kolzig's mishandling of the puck last night). Like the drunken clown in Uncle Buck, the characters of our childhood should not so easily let slip their adult failings.

Unless, of course, your hockey team sucks and your crazy old goalie has a senior moment ... Viva Les Isles!

Actually was able to watch the final three minutes of regulation and the brief overtime period. Sharp extra effort by Hunter. Thought Frederick Meyer IV looked pretty good, and glad I wasn't watching when they blew the lead.

I guess all is right with Islanders' world this morning, as long as you ignore the mounting injuries, the still-awful jerseys, and Tampa Bay.

Florida on Saturday, and maybe that motherfucker Tomas Vokoun. (see Puck Daddy readers? There's your hatred ... I give myself over to the fantasy dark side.)

Wrestling Shit

You'd think I might have the energy to get the hair up following yesterday's debacle on the Island, but I don't. Apparently Adam Mair has a bad knee, so Craig Rivet was only coming to his defense by jumping into the fight with Nate Thompson. That's a dog shit move, even if Mair was hurt. (hey, can't every team afford to dress players and have them sit on the bench like Ricky?) But that's Sabres hockey. Horseshit.

Classy stuff from Kaleta, too, but who really cares? The Isles were so bad they didn't even earn the right, in my book, to fight. We know they're going to be terrible some nights and look like world-beaters the next, but this was a little bit too much of a circus for me. Of course, it doesn't really compare to the idiot's circus Gordon and Snow are running with DiPietro, Martinek, and whoever else might be hurt. I'm with Botta at Point Blank, and I've written about it before, this dumb game Snow is playing with injuries and now DiPietro makes this team a joke.

Where have you gone, respectable PR department?

The Isles, who are often times innovative and interesting in terms of publicity, are absolutely turning the PR aspect of this organization into a disaster. Today on the oh!fficial Isles site, there is no mention of yesterday's game in the main story bar. That's fucking childish. "Fun Filled Day at the Coliseum" is what passes for this organization's game story.

I can handle the losing. I can handle the coaching carousel, and whatever other indignities the organization will cook up in the next few years. But putting on a petulant, arrogant, smarmy public face pisses me off. Tell us who the fuck is hurt. Write game stories when the team loses.

Join the NHL. Act like a major league team.

Jesus Christ, and I'm a Mets fan too. My wife wonders why I play video games ... .

How Do You Make a Columbus Day of SGML Coding and Stomach Pain Worse?

You listen to Rick Jeanneret do his spastic goal calls six times, missing one due to your stomach graciously beckoning you to the office bathroom.

It will be a long season. We all knew that, particularly when we found out that Deb Kaufman (I will not recognize her married name) would be off the Isles telecasts. It just would've been nice if the Isles could've made it at least five games in before delivering an effort in which, if my listening skills are sharp, everything done falled apart. Sigh.

Mitch Fritz! (Clap! Clap!) Mitch Fritz!

quick thoughts on opening night

They don't look that bad, but I just don't see where any goals are going to come from other than lucky bounces and drunk goalies. Some of that, I think, is because right now the young guys look as if they are primarily mentally occupied with being in the right place and not fucking up. Fine.

My hope is that in a few months they feel comfortable in the system (which did, on the few occasions it really fired, look promising) and start feeling the game rather than feeling the system.

MacDonald was great. He looked comfortable, which is a good sign, because by November he could be the number one.

They miss Sillinger. And they miss Guerin. (oh yeah, he was there. sure.)

One final thought: The officiating in this game was awful. Awful. Awful. Both ways. Jesus Christ I hope they don't keep this shit up for the season. These calls are just phantom calls. I hate this "stick is in a certain position means hooking" nonsense. That logic doesn't even fly in basketball.

Ok. Done.

Streit is nice on the powerplay. He makes a noticeable difference keeping the puck in the zone and making sound decisions.

That's all I've got for now. Those last 30 seconds were pretty exciting. Brodeur is good. Whew.

Now, call up Mitch.

Economy on Ice

Ice time is expensive. And ice time with sticks and pucks and mountains of reinforced Kevlar gear, especially here in the States, is even more expensive.

There's an intern in our athletics department who played for St. Catharines, and in the OHL (Mississauga, I believe). He said he almost played in Buffalo for a year, but "they wanted me to pay them like $10,000 to play, and I had to buy my own equipment." Fuck the heck?

I have an ethereal embedded mental concept of money, but I do read kunstler.com every day it is updated, and a few other links that spring from there, and I have eyes and ears, so I know we are possibly, completely financially toe-tagged as a country, as a hemisphere, and maybe as a world. That's why I'm planting a giant garden next year, learning to hunt, buying a horse, and building a still in the basement of my 178-year-old house, which actually was home to a functioning basement still during Prohibition.

And I don't know what this means for hockey. Forbes thinks it do. (thanks to Puck Daddy for picking this up this morning.) At least for a few hockey teams, the magazine thinks the recession/depression/biblical catasrophe means emminent relocation.

Now, sit down for a moment, preferably not in a rocking chair, because ... yes ... the Islanders are amongst the doomed.

If the Lighthouse Project goes through, it's very possible the Islanders would be off of this list. I'm tempted, largely because I read kunstler.com every day it is updated, to suggest that the suburban concept of Long Island Living might suffer greatly in this financial crisis, but that kind of thought is way beyond my scope. I do know the Lighthouse idea fits it with some of the concepts of post-suburban devlopment (I'm completely making that up to appear to be smarter than I am), but it's overall location might be a strain. (no trains lead up to the site - but that might be rectified.)

If Long Island suffers greatly, the Islanders suffer. But, I'm not sure if everyone is suffering so badly that relocation would even be possible. Who's going to buy a hockey team in a depression? The same investors who were going to buy the Chiefs? In short, if Forbes thinks it has some window on the future that will help them understand the larger ramifications of a massive financial collapse that appears to be in "phase change" right now (I can read!), they actually are much dumber than I am, because at least I can admit I don't know a fucking thing. Now, go read The Black Swan.




What about the kids?

As much as I enjoy the Islanders and all of the misery that implies, my understanding of NHL finances is so limited my thoughts on the topic are as meaningful as a piss in the ocean. But, I do have a pretty good grasp of what it's like to live on a short budget, with kids, and with kids you'd like to see on skates someday. This Thing is going to have a great effect on youth hockey in this country, I foolishly predict.

1. Ice time is expensive.

2. Driving to fucking Detroit or Ottawa every week with cars carrying two or three nine-year-olds because adults are crazy is expensive.

3. Composite sticks are expensive. (And if you can tell me why anyone playing at any level below the NHL or at least major junior needs a $100 hockey stick, I will listen, and then throw up on you.)

Hockey has always been a middle-class game, even in Canada where teams essentially are subsidized. (think of football. would it be the National Game if kids had to pay for equipment and field time?) And that is pronounced in America. As the middle class gets pinched and choked, the luxuries get pinched and cut.

I don't know that it is a bad thing. Local programs might actually get a boost if travel hockey is cut down to size. Kids whose parents aren't angling for a scholarship might actually stick with hockey past the age of 9, when, insanely, dumbass-crazy adults start making levels out of travel teams.

It might shrink, the whole thing. Southern hockey might suffer. It might once again be a very specifically regional game. I think that's Ok. (and I am not one to slag hockey fans in Florida because "they don't know the game" or some horseshit, as if this is such a complicated game you couldn't possibly grasp the nuances without having watched Don Cherry every Saturday since you were four.)

In the end, our immediate worlds might get a lot more simple and localized in the coming years. Hockey might do the same.

Mediocre the Magnificent Throws His Turban in the Ring

Carnac attempts to predict Georges Laraque's PIMs

Anyone who knows me or who has seen college videos of me knows I love to make an ass of myself and with that, I bring you my 08-09 season predictions!

Armed with a basic knowledge of spreadsheet programs, Yahoo’s NHL page, a six-sided die and a quarter, I entertained myself during the debate trying to find the dumbest way to predict the NHL’s standings for the upcoming season. Mission F-ing accomplished. I took it upon myself to meticulously chart every NHL team’s post season performance since the lockout. Of the many things I learned, it turns out when you plot 30 separate data sets it makes the graph look like a wild, colorful spider web. I personally think spiders are freaky. I almost dropped a load in my shorts a few years back when a spider the size of my big toe was defying gravity about three feet above my bed. I saw a tarantula the other day at this weird conference I went to and I’ve got to say that it’s a really boring animal. What the hell was I talking about…

I weighted each team depending on their performance in the post season then used the dice and coin to settle any ties. If I was smart I would have used the regular season standings since that is what I was trying to predict but smart = uninteresting as far as I’m concerned so lets keep rolling. I decided to put my predictions to the test and take on San Francisco hockey elitist Ross McKeon’s predictions… Ok, his was the first standings projection I came across that wasn’t friend-of-the-Palm-Isle Puckdaddy’s. Truth is, I don’t really know much about McKeon and this blog is in no position to pick a fight. Sorry for the whole ‘elitist’ comment… Visit Ross’s page here.

On to the predictions!

Mediocre One’s Ross McKeon’s

Eastern Conference

Atlantic Division
Pittsburgh Penguins Philadelphia Flyers
New York Rangers Pittsburgh Penguins
New Jersey Devils New York Rangers
Philadelphia Flyers New Jersey Devils
New York Islanders New York Islanders

Northeast Division
Ottawa Senators Montreal Canadians
Buffalo Sabres Ottawa Senators
Montreal Canadians Boston Bruins
Boston Bruins Buffalo Sabres
Toronto Maple Leafs Toronto Maple Leafs

Southeast Division
Carolina Hurricanes Washington Capitals
Tampa Bay Lightning Carolina Hurricanes
Atlanta Thrashers Tampa Bay Lightning
Washington Capitals Atlanta Thrashers
Florida Panthers Florida Panthers


Western Conference


Central Division
Detroit Red Wings Detroit Red Wings
Nashville Predators Chicago Blackhawks
Chicago Blackhawks Columbus Blue Jackets
St. Louis Blues Nashville Predators
Columbus Blue Jackets St. Louis Blues

Northwest Division
Calgary Flames Calgary Flames
Colorado Avalanche Edmonton Oilers
Edmonton Oilers Colorado Avalanche
Minnesota Wild Minnesota Wild
Vancouver Canucks Vancouver Canucks


Pacific Division
Anaheim Ducks San Jose Sharks
San Jose Sharks Dallas Stars
Dallas Stars Anaheim Ducks
Los Angeles Kings Phoenix Coyotes
Phoenix Coyotes Los Angeles Kings

Now, the truth is I hate predictions. Anyone doing a prediction (and taking it seriously, I might add) should have some stake in their prediction. The Sports Network (TSN) predicted that Ovechkin would be 5th in scoring with 50 goals. Turns out he was 1st with 65. That’s a pretty big swing, 15 goals, so what’s the sense in trying to guess if it’s obviously too hard? I’ve never seen accurate predictions so if some web site wants to predict stats and mess up my fantasy draft they should at least have the stones to write a big article at the end of the season and grade their projections as well as remind us at the beginning of the following season.

Then other people go too far in the opposite direction. I watched the NHL network’s preview of the Western conference and you’d think every team in the West is going to win the Cup this year. Say something negative, I’m begging you (Gary Green...). Yes, every team in the NHL is talented on some level but that doesn’t do anyone any good. Give us a simple “headed in the right direction” or “headed in the wrong direction” and back it up with some substance that goes beyond the moronic obvious observations which are all-too prevalent amongst hockey commentators. In fact, the following phrase should be banned: “…has a good relationship with the coach.” 99% of players have a good relationship with the coach so let’s can the heavy stuff. Everyone in the NHL wants to win but it’s a matter of who is on a team and the team’s overall strategy that affects 95% of a games outcome according to a stat I invented to make my point.

Since it’s late and I think my point has drifted a bit I just want to say that someone has to hold commentators accountable for their predictions. And I’d like to take up that mantle. In the coming weeks, I’m going to collect different projections of standings and stats and grade them at the end of the season. My prediction is that it’s too hard to make predictions.

Random Thoughts a Few Days Before Opening Night

*I have nothing against Seven Mary Three. In fact, until last week I couldn't tell you the last time I had a thought about them. But I do know their big hit is "Cumbersome." And that song's chorus declares, "I have become cumbersome to this world." So, all I'm saying is that they're not exactly the first band I'd want to charge up the opening night crowd if I owned a hockey team. But I don't own a hockey team. Charles Wang does. And so, get ready to rock to the sounds of Seven Mary Three, Islanders fans! And Seven Mary Three, get ready for a steady mix of hardcore apathy and unrelenting verbal abuse from the Coliseum faithful!

*There is no place of commerce more baffling than the NHL Store in NYC. First, it is almost impossible to buy a T-shirt in the store that costs less than $40, which is a hearty, Hollwegian check from behind on Joe Six-Pack (wink). Second, there is that monumentally stupid area devoted to Reebok sneakers. I understand that it is officially "The NHL Store Powered by Reebok," but, really, who's coming to the NHL Store to buy a pair of sneakers? Couldn't that space be better used? And that brings me to my next point: how is it possible that the official store of the National Hockey League does not have a constant supply of winter hats in stock? Granted, we are not yet officially in wool hat weather, but, last I heard, hockey's a cold-weather sport. So wouldn't it make sense to have, you know, a few winter hats available for hockey fans? Is that a crazy idea? There isn't one in the whole store. Unbelievable. Finally, the NHL Store is having a big party to kick the season off. And what's the best time to have that party so that hard-working hockey fans can attend? That's right, Friday from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. Perfect. Also, I was in there tonight and there was absolutely no indication that there'd be any sort of party on Friday. Good job with the advance promo. What a waste.

*Speaking of wastes, Sirius is currently airing a commercial urging Sirius subscribers to get the new "Best of XM" package that features Captain Excitement Gary Bettman pushing the NHL on XM and highlighting his own weekly show as a reason to add the channel. I can't think of a worse marketing campaign.

*Kudos to the Islanders off-ice team yet again for their wide variety of ticket packages available this year. I do take issue, however, with the Victory Plan, a four-game package in which you get one free game for each Islanders win, thus potentially making it an eight-game package. In theory, a great idea. In practice, it finds a way to make me even angrier at the Islanders for losing. Now, when (OK, OK, if) they lose, they're kind of stealing money from me. That'll perk me up while I'm taking the bus to the train to another train to my apartment in my two-hour-plus odyssey from the Coliseum to Jersey City. Thanks, guys! I have been patiently waiting for an addendum to the Victory Plan that would ensure my involvement. I would be willing to buy into a plan, where, if the Islanders lose, I get a free room at the Marriott, Charles Wang calls in to work for me, and one or two Ice Girls visit for a postgame cheer-up session. Just an idea.

*Mitch Fritz starts the season in Bridgeport. Connecticut, here I come!

The Sounds of Bliss

(painting by William Roy Brownridge)

This may be the ideal season to be gauging the Isles' progress by the tenor of the radio announcers' voices rather than by the sights and hollow sounds projected by my television.

The mistakes on ice, neatly summarized by the shifting of names, rather than by the visual evidence, will be easier to take. And the feats of the young players will get a lustrous halo.

It is ground well-covered by writers, but there is something to the glamour of sports in my childhood. One televised game each week, and the radio companion for weeknights, was not preferable in the most direct sense, but it did serve to build the legend. That could also be childhood delusion via memory at play, or simply age, as I got so jittery and irritated playing NHL 09 and then watching that ridiculous debate last night I went to bed and read a book about Bobby Orr. And I was happier, and calm, and settled.

Draftnik
The Federal League, our version of fantasy hockey, drafts tonight. I am ill-prepared. But that same strategy of ignorance to the narrative helped me win a baseball league this year. (don't tell me baseball is much easier to discern from the numbers column ... I know.) My team is "Poodle" (see: Slap Shot), but I think I might have to come up with something more clever, although I am beginning to detest anything clever largely as a result of reading too much Internet. I had one team named "PIMs Win Cups," which I used in a league in which I was lectured after complaining about the absence of PIMs on the stat chart.

So it might just be Poodle.

I can't think of an Islander worth drafting high. DiPietro might make a good late-round pickup. Or Steit, I guess. I would be wary of his plus/minus, whatever the points. (Save the lectures on the meaningless nature of this stat. I know. And, it's fantasy, a crucial point being that it is not real.) And I'm not big on drafting defensemen.

I'm also not big on drafting good hockey players, but that is a story for another time.

A Few Words concerning NHL 09
NHL 09 isn't frustrating just me, if the Internet forums are any indication of the wider opinion. It just feels awkward, which isn't necessarily a tangible thing, but it is there. I feel as if the players often are compelled to turn the wrong way, whatever tricks of "vision control" I try.

Most importantly, the goal scoring feels like a chore, and doesn't have the sort of "anything can happen" vibe I would like to see. This isn't a problem on the "pro" level. But if you've played this game much during the past two years, pro isn't a challenge. On all-star the whole thing feels like a chore.

A lack of penalties called, especially against the CPU, is another significant problem. I suspect this may be addressed in a patch, as the EA Vancouver team has been exceptional at addressing issues. And, I felt much the same about 08 as I feel now about 09 prior to one patch and a few roster updates that largely dealt with the most prevalent issues in the game. For now, I practice a bit and hold out on a franchise.

Lying About Injuries is Dumb (except when it is smart because the league allows it)
This business of not telling anyone about injuries in the NHL is stupid and cynical. This isn't the fucking pre-cursor to Desert Storm, or whatever. It's a hockey team. Someone in Toronto needs to step in, set a league standard, and enforce the standard. GMs look like clowns playing this dumb game with reporters.

Ticket holders and Centre Ice subscribers have a right to know as paying customers what kind of product they will see on the ice, in general. Sure, the coach is going to sit people, etc. But this gives a shabby, amateur appearance to the league. And Garth Snow is one of the most consistent and smarmy offenders.

The onus is on the league, because the present situation only gives GMs incentive to lie, as they can prevent other teams from fully understanding their roster situations in trade/waiver deals, thus protecting their leverage, so to speak.

It might work for the teams, but it doesn't work for the fans. And the fans are ... oh yeah ... I forgot. Well, we can always go fuck ourselves.

Mitch Fritz! (Clap! Clap!) Mitch Fritz!

I will admit that I know precious little about Mitch Fritz. In fact, up until about two days ago, I had no idea he was with the Islanders. But the combination of his stature (6'8"), past success in amassing penalty minutes (a total of 355 in 2001-02), and the undeniable chantability of his name has me rooting hard for him to make the team (despite the fact that he played for the Wolfpack last year). There are, of course, a few tough guys on the Isles (though I must admit that Brendan Witt's toughness took a hit for me when I saw that video of him making out with his bird on Islanders TV), but they're missing a guy like Fritz—or at least a guy like Fritz seems to be. I say take a chance on keeping him around, or at least bring him up for Rangerks games.

Plus, you've gotta love a guy whose first Google hit is a video of him housing Colton Orr.