Monday, November 10, 2008

A Plea

Before mustaches were retro

I am sick of league tyranny. The NHL under the Bettman administration has been one disappointment after another. One year the refs call penalties one way, the next they call it another way. Schedule formats change, conferences shift and unprofitable expansion is embraced. And yet, the league slavishly clings to one of the most outdated tenets of the game—three periods.

The current format today is as old as it is unfair. The first written record of ice hockey period lengths comes from an 1883 three-team tournament at a Montreal winter carnival. It was the first championship of hockey and featured TWO 30-minute periods.[i] This became the standard until the 1910-11 season which saw the format change into our current three 20-minute periods.[ii] This format has been with us now for… carry the one… 98 years!

And as we can see from the on ice product, this is outdated. The game of hockey wants to be a faster game? How about being done in 40 minutes instead of 60 minutes? Look at other sports—the NFL, NBA, and MLS all have two halves. Yet the NHL continues with its archaic, and may I say uneven, three-period system.

There are those who would point to my affiliation with the Islanders and their penchant for blowing leads in the third period (hereafter referred to as the ‘turd’ period) as the reason for making such a plea but to them I say, “OK, we get it Mr. Douchebag, you can read. This is me clapping slowly and sarcastically for you. clap… clap… clap…”

In conclusion, I would like to ask all readers to please write Gary Bettman and insist that he bring the NHL into the 21st century and dispense with turd periods. Thank you.

[i] Fischler, Stan. “The Great Book of Hockey.” 1991 pg. 3.

[ii] Ibid. pg. 19

1 comment:

derek said...

Hey Mediocre One,

You're crazy. I understand that the Isles blow in the "turd" but we can't go changing the game. You don't see the league moving the goal lines around, thickening the blue lines or messing with goalie gear, do you.
Wait. Forget what I just said.