How To Keep Things Interesting in the Second Half

Unless you possess a degree of optimism that has yet to be seen in the annals of history, you might have a hard time getting revved up to watch the Islanders in the second half, whether on the tube or live and in person at the plush Nassau Coliseum. And this presents a problem for a franchise looking to maintain and even grow a fanbase in Billy Joel Land. So, because it is better to light a candle than curse Charles Wang, The Palm Isle presents some tips to make things interesting in the second half.

Set up a Kansas City BBQ stand on the concourse.Newspapers haven't cared about the Islanders this much in at least a decade. So let's keep Kansas City out there. The city's known for its great BBQ, so it's a win on that front for the fan at the Coliseum. The fact that it'll get the media intrigued is a bonus. Where's the downside? Also, the Isles can install slot machines and, um, whatever Hamilton is known for to keep people on their toes about other places the Isles might wind up.

Don't just put Butch Goring in the seats; let him work odd jobs around the Coliseum. Unlike the Mediocre One, I like Butch Goring reporting from the seats on Islanders telecasts. But why stop there? Why not have him selling beer up in the cheap seats? Or shooting t-shirts out of a cannon with the Ice Girls? Or working the sushi stand on the concourse? The possibilities are endless--and I would think the probability of Butchie losing his cool would be quite high (and another ratings grabber). It also could be cool to have him do a hidden-camera show around the Coliseum a la "Howie Do It." Or just have him punch Ron Duguay once and for all. Point is the Isles are not tapping into Goring's full potential, and they need to change that ASAP.

One-up the magnanimous nature of the Penguins. We all know the great, heartwarming story of Jacob Anderson, the eight-year-old boy with cystic fibrosis whom the Penguins signed to a one-day contract. A truly great story. But the Islanders are one of the few teams who can do the same thing and actually get the kid some playing time (and, assuming he replaces Thomas Pock, actually improve the on-ice product). Sure, practice is nice and it's cool to hang out with Miro Satan, but wouldn't it be way cooler to actually play in a game? Let's make this happen.

Arbour Night worked, so why not just bring the whole team back? One of the true highlights in recent Islanders history was Al Arbour coming back to coach one last game. It was a perfect night and a true reminder of the franchise's respect for its past. So, if that worked, think how awesome it would be for the entire Core of the Four to come back for a regular-season game. Sure, some of the guys might've lost a few strides, but, again, how much slower can they be than some of the current Islanders? And if some of them are reluctant to come back (or if the Isles still can't find Wayne Merrick), they can open it up to all past alumni, thus appeasing the group of Islanders Mania posters who are "tired" of honoring the dynasty players (waaah).

Time to rethink the "three goals and everybody gets chili" promotion. It seemed like a good, reasonable idea at the time, but now the prospects of the Islanders scoring three goals at home are not strong. So the Isles need to find other ways to reward the devotees that still come out to the Coliseum. One idea is a free danish every time Frans Nielsen gets a point. Another is a coupon for a free bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream when Josh Bailey gets a point. But the best I've come up with so far is the new "Score with the Islanders" campaign, where, if the Islanders score one goal, a lucky fan will get to go out on a date with one of the Ice Girls. Sure, it's a a potentially tough assignment for the Ice Girls, but these are tough times and everyone in the franchise needs to pitch in. No exceptions. And, to be fair, if the lucky fan is a heterosexual woman, she can choose among the guys that drive the Zamboni, Charles Wang, or any of the night's scratches, healthy or otherwise.

So, there you have it. Five absolutely fantastic ideas for the second half. Think about 'em, Mr. Wang. And let's go Islanders.

House Cleaning

Here's some things I've been meaning to get out this week:

Thoughts on the Ranger Game

Garth Snow pronounced the K in Okposo. If I’m pronouncing it wrong someone tell me. Otherwise, someone pull Garth aside and ‘splain to him that it’s important to learn how to pronounce his players’ names. Especially the good ones.

Mike Comrie. I want to like Mike Comrie but he makes it SO HARD sometimes. He seems like his skills can’t always keep up with what he wants to do. He might be better if he makes simpler plays. Can’t say enough for a little guy like him willing to drop the gloves, though.

Howie Rose is back—let the flirting begin!
“You’re good, I get that ‘Dynamic Duo.’ You’re good. The reality, you’re right…”
“Does that make you Robin, by the way?”
“I don’t like the outfit”
“BOY WONDER!”
“Ha, ha, ha. Compared to you I am.”

Butch Goring in the seats. It’s stupid. Have him report from ice level.

Wrong about Mark Streit

Man, was I wrong. I predicted Mark Streit to be a complete bust. Lucky for me not too many people read this blog. Congratulations to Mark on not being what Bruce Boudreau would call a "representative. "

The Hokey Trip

So I did take a hockey trip last weekend. Here’s the summary:

Friday Arrival in Tully. Some NHL 2009 along with a few helpings of Molson Canadian. Some nice plays, some nice goals, but it’s hard to beat the guy who knows all the glitches in the game.

Saturday Floor hockey game at the community college. After three Advils to relax a sore back, I was ready to hobble my way through a couple of hours of play. While I had a couple of goals and a few good passes one of which was called ‘sneaky,’ it was mainly a wheeze-fest.

Later that evening, the Rev. and I headed out to Ithaca in a good snow storm for a Cornell Hockey game. It was the kind of snow that gets you revved up for a game. It was great to be back in the old Lynah barn. Even in prohibitive weather and during school break, the place seemed to sell out. The game was tight. Most of the action was at the other end of the rink, though. Cornell has a few NHL draft picks including a first-rounder for the Oilers.

Drinking followed the game which was cool. Nothing interesting to report, really except that the Rev. apparently will sacrifice quantity of beer for quality by drinking out of a fancy glass. Oh how things change…

Sunday In addition to the big Rev. Zamboni, there are two little Rev. Zambonis. They got a couple of big-boy hockey sticks for outside so we knocked around on the walkway between the growing snow piles. The Rev. and I turned this into a no-holds-barred deathmatch. Naturally. Then I headed home soon after the Giants/Eagles game started.

Oh, and everyone’s cameras were busted so there were no photos to document this action-packed weekend. Next time.

I Needed to See Sean Avery Get Punched.

So I went onto Youtube and this made me laugh instead.



Anyway, I can't be to depressed about the B squad losing. In all honesty, it was nice to see a few creative plays out there. The kids are a little more fun to watch, if not as good, as their major league counterparts.

The Howie and Billy Flirt of the Game
I'd like to first open this to sponsorship as next season I hope to make this a regular installment on the blog. Tonight's bit of flirty dialogue came as the culmination of banter involving the league MVP. Billy, who thought it should be Ovechkin, was relentless in his teasing of Howie for not agreeing. These juicy lines came in the third period after hearing that Ovechkin had scored "again".
Billy: (In a high, whiny voice) "You're going to change you vote!"
Howie: "I can be bought..."
This was no doubt followed by off-camera winking, smiles and slapping each other. Again, any sponsors should please contact the Rev. Zamboni.

Three Thoughts on Two in a Row

(1) The Islanders may not be league leaders in many (any?) categories, but they may be the all-time greatest team in making a two-goal lead seem ridiculously unsafe. When Howie Rose declared that Meyer's empty-netter sealed the win, I wanted to reach through the TV, grab his lower jaw, and finally give him the chin he so desperately needs. What an ass. Does he actually watch the games? Islander wins are never sealed. Ever.

(2) Richard Park certainly has his flaws, but when it comes to killing off a 5-on-3, there's no other player I'd want out there. Sure, the Leafs' ineptitude helped keep them off the board there (and ultimately gave the Isles the win), but something about Park's presence calmed me down during that frustrating part of the game.

(3) I can't be the only person who noticed that the Ghost of Deb Kaufman Future was sitting right behind the Leafs bench. A savvier person would provide a screen shot here, but that aint me. So if you didn't see it, you'll just have to trust me. Uncanny.