Watching the NHL with the third eye, Vol. II

This is the year without cable.

School librarian and budding independent photographer The Upstate Ice Girl will be home with the children this season, wearing her apron and (unbeknownst to her, but hey!, that's what Christmas is for ...) her ice girl outfit, while I grind away at the local community college, tracking down errant commas and style infringements. This decision results in a significant decrease in our income, and although we have an apple tree in our new yard, conventionally purchased groceries and other necessities will take precedence over the NHL Network and the 24 Islanders games not broadcast on Staten-Island exclusive Metro 3, or whatever becomes the Isles' home when Siena is playing Hofstra in men's volleyball (live!).

This could be catastrophic, but I live a well-sated hockey life, for the most part. There is the weekly ball hockey game. There is blogging (guess I'll be doing more of that), and reading blogs. There is the 25th anniversary copy of Slap Shot, calling my name as the wind changes and the leaves brighten. And there is NHL 09. (which I will try to locate today, but probably won't locate until tomorrow, at which time you will find a full review in this space.)

But I still want to watch the Islanders. (hold your applause fellow Islanders fans. cut the laugh track NHL press.)

Looked into Center Ice Online. I know there are blackout restrictions within range of local broadcasts. I can't find a map of said restrictions (or a guide/table/spreadsheet) on the web site. Fair enough. I figure I'll go through the first few steps of account creation, see if I can find the blackout information, then get the Ice Girl on the phone for help in the decision-making process. (goes something like this: I sold my guitar/your camera/one of the children -- for a fair price -- can I get hockey on the computer?)

"Center Ice Online can not be accessed from within your broadcast region."

Mother. F.

I know, as a formerly mediocre and passive newspaper reporter, I could get some background on this and discover the real reason I can't pay someone to watch hockey on the computer. Too hard. I'll chalk it up to evil evil evil Time Warner and what I will suspect is some ridiculous ploy to get me to buy something other than the $7.34/month 2-13 service that will bring me five games (go Pens! go Wings!) on NBC this season.

Concessions

1. The first time I saw hockey on television I'm pretty sure Tom Mees was broadcasting a Whalers/Bruins game. I have fond memories of Tom Mees, if only because he didn't tell any jokes. You can watch more hockey now than ever before. I know this. Even Vs.

2. What with all of the other media options out there, including listening to Isles' game on web radio (thank you thank you thank you for not getting so goddamn greedy I have to pay for out-of-market streaming radio like baseball or football), I can stay abreast of developments. I would say I could also go to a bar and watch the game, but I'm liable to drop a season's worth of cable fees in a bar session, and let's say "I'm working on that this year."

3. The NHL Network, which I will get next year, is pretty good. Thanks. Whomever.

Here it is: The Islanders are getting pretty good at innovating and understanding new technologies. They're offering interesting tickets packages, great online features, and I'm guessing the trend will continue. The league needs to catch up. It's not a dire situation. I can find hockey, you can find hockey, and there's a certain sense in directing the game's die-hard fans to open their wallets for what they want.

But it's my job to bitch and moan, because I do it well. Let's get that Center Ice Online up here in the wilds of Central New York. And if you can't, I don't want to see any men in suits at my door when I find a P2P site to watch me Isles. I'll buy a hat, I promise, and we'll call it even.

A Stupid Argument: Brodeur vs. Garnett

I don’t even remember how it started, but in defending the good name of our great sport, I said that Martin Brodeur has better name recognition than Kevin Garnett. This kind of asinine arguing should seriously be confined to college dining halls. But that aside, part of me actually thinks Pete was right. These heartland morons who think hockey is played by Eskimos and Swedes would probably kill Brodeur in a survey simply because his name “sounds Chinese or something.” That would mean a good player in the NBA who hasn’t won anything is more popular than a three-time Stanley cup winning goalie who’s changed the sport and will go out as possibly the greatest goaltender in the history of the game. Good god, is hockey THAT unpopular?

The truth is, it’s probably a good thing. The more corporate sponsors get their greedy little endorsements into our game, the uglier it will be. They promote individual accomplishment at the expense of team achievement which is rotting other pro sports from the inside. Imagine Vinny Lecavalier running off to the Bahamas with Britney Spears the weekend before the playoffs start. Picture Rick Nash choking Ken Hitchcock and Malkin carrying around a midget claiming that it’s “just Evgeni being Evgeni.” And envision Sean Avery getting busted for having a chicken fighting ring in his basement… Actually, that probably will happen.

Luckily, the NHL's athletes still seem to be sound, humble people. Plus, we've got the NHL network so we can listen to competent announcers (Gary Green I am NOT looking in your direction) discuss each game in depth. I no longer have to pray that a Ranger fan calls into Steve Summers' show on 660 WFAN so that he’ll talk about hockey instead of the Mets' bullpen for the seventh straight month. Ticket prices have remained close to reasonable and everyone I play pickup hockey with is cool. Popularity be damned, it won’t do anything for me. So suck on that, canuck, as you buy a scalped ticket to watch the 14^th place Leafs. All that popularity ain’t bringing home the silverware. Where was I? Oh yeah, Garnett’s more popular. I lose.

Vinny Lecavalier (the one on the bottom)

Watching Hockey - TV for Jan. 18, 2007

First, forgive Jaroslav for his Caliendo worship. Our comrade watches only hockey (and only hockey), and doesn't realize most of America wanted to choke Caliendo close to death after the TBS MLB Playoffs debacle (which was so awful, poor Frank was answering questions from Artie Lange three weeks later on The Howard Stern Show about how he was "hated by America") during which the formerly-great network showed a "Frank TV" promo during every commercial break, and sometimes twice (to be clear though, I love Caliendo ... I'm a sucker for impressions, especially his "turreble" Barkley).

Anyway, back to hockey ... .

The NHL Network (thank you, Time Warner Binghamton) carried the Lightning-Pens ...
And I watched 35 seconds of the first period when I realized the Pens were half asleep and, possibly, thinking ahead to a trip to the Bell Centre in Montreal on Saturday. Our friends at HNIC radio (Marek and Morrison on a Friday -- thank you CBC, I can't handle Cassie or Kelly "a message to you ... quit" Hrudey on a Friday) told me all about The Sidney's lust for playing in front of Les Supporters des Habitants ... and then The Sidney sprained his ankle on an ugly slide into the boards.

Didn't see the play -- I was flipping back to the Notre Dame-Michigan college game -- but I saw The Sidney limping and Paul Ranger sitting in the box, and I figured George Laraque would be giving Ranger the Steve Downie at centre ice in two minutes, but nonesuch. Watching the replay, it didn't look like anything more than a soft X penalty, or holding, or tripping. Yeah, something.

The result: Pens fan get to watch the raw, adaptable genius of Michel Therrien without that pesky team leader getting in the way. After Crosby went down last night, Malkin looked like the only player on the Pens who wasn't ready to pack up for the night. He played how I imagine Olli Jokinen would play if he were still an Islander -- driving the net, splitting defenses, pestering on rebounds. Pick him up if he's a free agent in your hockey pool (just kidding Canadians! Even we Americans of wee hockey knowledge know the man isn't worth picking up without The Sidney feeding him sweet bounce passes).

Elsewhere in the hockey universe
Notre Dame played at Michigan. It was a thrilling 3-2 victory for the Wolverines, and I watched about 15 seconds. I tried. And I continue to try. We picked up college hockey games Friday and Saturday nights on the $2 sports tier that gave us the NHL Network, so I've been trying to slog through Minnesota/Minnesota-Duluth matchups and the occasional Denver v. Somebody game, but I just can't do it for some reason. Even Cornell makes fairly regular appearances on TW's local sports feed, but the cameras at these games are a close rival to Slingbox on the Mac (anything past 4 in. and you're watching Atari Sprites and digital lag), and really, as much as I love hockey, I don't know who these guys are, and I know they're not going to fight. I'll keep trying. The Reverend grew up with AHL hockey in the slummy, hockey-gorgeous Broome County Veterans Memorial Arena, where the three-curse, four-beer minimum is still enforced, so the gentrified climes of the collegiate game are still growing on me. I will continue to try. See this for further discussion.

Buffalo scores 10, Rick Jeanerette's heart lives through it
Didn't see any of this game because I forgot it was on. Did switch over in time to see the refs sorting out some kind of mess in the third period, with the score 9-1 ... the Thrashers wound up two men down. Jeanerette, with the camera focused on Don Waddell, said something to the effect, "maybe it's time to throw up the white flag." If Jeanerette thinks a visiting team is getting screwed, the team is getting screwed. Many times over. The Sabres scored again. Derek Roy had a hat trick. Jason Campbell is still overrated.

Flip Station
I watched A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints in commercial breaks, and committed myself when I realized there weren't gonna be no more fights in the Sabres game. Not bad. Robert Downey Jr. is getting better as he gets older. He's growing out of that "I'd agree to do The Shaggy Dog for a half a rock of crack" stage and getting a little more weathered and more subtle with the "I'm manic! Manic and brilliant!" thing. He was pretty damn good in Zodiac.

Saints had every guido's favorite father, Chaz Palminteri, and Shia LaBeouf. Both were serviceable. Downey Jr. was excellent until the closing scenes, which were written by a man wearing hams on his hands. Rosario Dawson was awful. The assholes who put the stars on the digital movie guide gave it ***. I'd give **1/2. And you don't care.

Go forth and forecheck.