Watching the NHL with the third eye, Vol. II

This is the year without cable.

School librarian and budding independent photographer The Upstate Ice Girl will be home with the children this season, wearing her apron and (unbeknownst to her, but hey!, that's what Christmas is for ...) her ice girl outfit, while I grind away at the local community college, tracking down errant commas and style infringements. This decision results in a significant decrease in our income, and although we have an apple tree in our new yard, conventionally purchased groceries and other necessities will take precedence over the NHL Network and the 24 Islanders games not broadcast on Staten-Island exclusive Metro 3, or whatever becomes the Isles' home when Siena is playing Hofstra in men's volleyball (live!).

This could be catastrophic, but I live a well-sated hockey life, for the most part. There is the weekly ball hockey game. There is blogging (guess I'll be doing more of that), and reading blogs. There is the 25th anniversary copy of Slap Shot, calling my name as the wind changes and the leaves brighten. And there is NHL 09. (which I will try to locate today, but probably won't locate until tomorrow, at which time you will find a full review in this space.)

But I still want to watch the Islanders. (hold your applause fellow Islanders fans. cut the laugh track NHL press.)

Looked into Center Ice Online. I know there are blackout restrictions within range of local broadcasts. I can't find a map of said restrictions (or a guide/table/spreadsheet) on the web site. Fair enough. I figure I'll go through the first few steps of account creation, see if I can find the blackout information, then get the Ice Girl on the phone for help in the decision-making process. (goes something like this: I sold my guitar/your camera/one of the children -- for a fair price -- can I get hockey on the computer?)

"Center Ice Online can not be accessed from within your broadcast region."

Mother. F.

I know, as a formerly mediocre and passive newspaper reporter, I could get some background on this and discover the real reason I can't pay someone to watch hockey on the computer. Too hard. I'll chalk it up to evil evil evil Time Warner and what I will suspect is some ridiculous ploy to get me to buy something other than the $7.34/month 2-13 service that will bring me five games (go Pens! go Wings!) on NBC this season.

Concessions

1. The first time I saw hockey on television I'm pretty sure Tom Mees was broadcasting a Whalers/Bruins game. I have fond memories of Tom Mees, if only because he didn't tell any jokes. You can watch more hockey now than ever before. I know this. Even Vs.

2. What with all of the other media options out there, including listening to Isles' game on web radio (thank you thank you thank you for not getting so goddamn greedy I have to pay for out-of-market streaming radio like baseball or football), I can stay abreast of developments. I would say I could also go to a bar and watch the game, but I'm liable to drop a season's worth of cable fees in a bar session, and let's say "I'm working on that this year."

3. The NHL Network, which I will get next year, is pretty good. Thanks. Whomever.

Here it is: The Islanders are getting pretty good at innovating and understanding new technologies. They're offering interesting tickets packages, great online features, and I'm guessing the trend will continue. The league needs to catch up. It's not a dire situation. I can find hockey, you can find hockey, and there's a certain sense in directing the game's die-hard fans to open their wallets for what they want.

But it's my job to bitch and moan, because I do it well. Let's get that Center Ice Online up here in the wilds of Central New York. And if you can't, I don't want to see any men in suits at my door when I find a P2P site to watch me Isles. I'll buy a hat, I promise, and we'll call it even.

Vs. is a disaster

What comes out of this animal's ass/what fills Gary Bettman's brain

(a better use for Sean Avery)

I'm not going to make any snarky comments about the Vs. in-studio show, because I don't watch it, and don't generally care to watch any in-studio shows unless Butch Goring and a baggie of Angel Dust are involved, but I am going to do my best to address this debacle (and, with all apologies to Tom Glavine, I firmly understand that amongst life's matters of importance, this does not register ... but this is a hockey blog and the NHL is a business that generates billions (millions?) of dollars, so I will not ignore stupidity when it is displayed).

Vs. is showing the Red Wings/Predators tonight, in New York, whilst the Penguins/Senators are playing.

In some strange way I am grateful if only because this will save me from the inevitable headache a Vs. in-game broadcast brings, but really, I wanted to see the Penguins and Senators play their hockey game tonight. There are myriad reasons. Among them, I live on the East Coast and am therefore exposed to these teams to a greater degree than I am the Predators and Red Wings (which is not to say I don't want to see that game either. I do. In fact, given the choice to watch both games I may have ended up watching the Wings/Preds because it turns out to be a better game). Genny Malkin, Sidney Crosby, Heatley, Fleury, and the graceful ballet of Jason Spezza are others.

I remember, in the salad days, when ESPN would constantly, incessantly, unforgivably choose to show a Red Wings/Anybody playoff game on their national broadcast, fucking blacking out a regional game and pissing off everyone. Bettman apparently was equally as pissed off as the fans, because he moved the league to Vs., and subsequently started a network for the league (the NHL Network), to avoid this problem and the many others generated by ESPN (like, um, well, let's see, I've got to ... there weren't any besides the owners not getting the sweetheart deal they wanted coming out of the lockout).

And -- get this -- at the time of the decision, although I disagreed on economic principle (which, because I know less about economics than your pets, doesn't carry a lot of weight), I didn't mind the idea of a smaller network taking hockey into its cradle and treating the game with all of the passion you would expect from a channel that previously showed fishing and hunting shows.

But what we have now is the same coverage we had on ESPN, with worse production values, no daily 30-minute highlight show (broadcast even on off days during the high point of the ESPN/NHL relationship), and bull riding for a bookend.

Vs. can't go regional? Fine. Put the Fucking Penguins game on the NHL Network, the league's Very Own Station, instead of showing the Top 10 Saves of 1993. And, (dear fictional reader) don't tell me there's a licensing issue, or blackout issue, or something else I have to Google, keeping the game off of the Network -- fix it. Or -- and I may regret writing this -- give me a $50 Centre Ice option to watch the home broadcast of every playoff game.

Get creative. If freedom is having nothing to lose, I would say the NHL has some freedom in the American TV/Internet market.

(leaving you on a better note ...)

Give me a frikking break

Bruins 2, Habs 8

Jesus fucking christ. This was one of those games. One of those gin-soaked, yell at the wife, kick the dog and regret it the next morning games. Where to Steve Begin on this one?

1. Alex Auld. Alex, when warm-ups are over, that’s when the game begins. Your job is to stop pucks, not let them in. That first goal, you bit harder than a Civil War soldier with gangrene getting a leg amputated. You bit harder than Seabiscuit groaning under the weight of Spiderman’s fat ass. You bit harder than the American public’s belief that there really were WMD’s. You bit harder than …

2. It’s 2-0. You’re down one in the first 14 seconds, two in the first 5 minutes, on like four shots. Where was the fight? No one is dropping the mits? Where was Reich? Where was Lucic? Where was Chara? Where's Shawn Thornton when you need him? What the fuck is wrong with you guys? What happened to wanting to be a difficult team to play against? You guys wait until the third period to dance? It was 6-1 by then. Pathetic.

3. Claude Julien. The prodigal Frenchman. Does he have some sort of inferiority complex going into Montreal? Losers of six straight vs the goddamn Habs. That’s a mental thing. It’s a pride thing. It’s the whole Boston sports consciousness thing. The whole archrival, nemesis who always beats us thing. If you want to beat the Habs, B’s, you have to ask yourselves: What better time than now? What better place than here? That’s the attitude. Right here, right now. It’s not, wow, would you look at that Kovalev stickhandle. I hear he flies planes too. You know, Montreal is just like a European city only in North America. Don’t get too close to Koivu; you might catch the cancer. They all ought to have shock therapy after the game.

4. Darryl Reaugh. A cornucopia of food metaphors. “Juicy, succulent rebounds.”

5. The boards. When a puck hit the kickplate, were Habs fans kicking from the other side to make the puck bounce off harder? The Bell Centre has some of the liveliest boards in the league.

6. Versus cameraman. The game is hockey dude. Not tennis. Stop acting like a spaz with the f’ing camera. You’re giving me a headache.

7. Shane Hnidy. Minus fucking 4. Hnidy night.

Injured Crosby

My AP RSS feed had him as one of the Top Stories for a while. Big story.