15 games?

Granted, this is a short clip and you don't see the elbow from Portland's Geoff Peters or the hits the Sound Tigers' Pascal Morency delivered that apparently earned him Peters's elbow, but I can't imagine how Kip Brennan gets suspended 15 games for this:



Like Chris Simon, Brennan has a history of suspensions, and I have to figure this played a part in giving him 15 games for basically coming to the defense of his teammate. Sure, he attacks him from behind (and breaks Peters's nose in the process), but I've gotta think that when you're standing over a player on the opposing team after elbowing him, you oughta be aware that someone's coming after your ass. It's hockey. These things tend to happen. I'm just saying. I could see five games, maybe, but 15? Crazy, man, crazy.

And, besides, that's a helluva punch.

Am I hallucinating?

So, I was sick yesterday with a cold and fever, and I fell asleep in front of the TV a few times. But I kind of recall seeing some Islanders hustle for pucks and outwork the Flyers on occasion. Did that really happen or was I having some sort of fever dream? I'm leaning toward the former, because I also remember the Isles taking a two-goal lead with under two minutes left and making things far closer than they needed to be. But if someone could just confirm that for me, I'd appreciate it, because I would be very excited if it were true.

Also, if I wasn't hallucinating the hotness of some of the Islander wives/girlfriends who took part in the fashion show during the second intermission, I would like to apologize for thinking that was a really bad idea. In fact, let's have a fashion show every game at the Coliseum. Next game: swimsuits.

Welcome Back, Welcome Back

I nearly destroyed my Xbox $399 last night, after losing a sixth consecutive game to what is a notoriously "bullshit" CPU on NHL 08. Go here for for both sides of this gripe. Or, if you find yourself with a life more interesting than my infant-dominated, hour-to-work each way eternal gestation, don't. Read or something.

As I've mentioned previously, I took the Minnesota Wild this year on 08, trying to unloose the oh!ffense for a Cup run (with a little help from reasonable, yet inescapably tilted) trades for Olli Jokinen and Joe Corvo. I'm middling around 4th in the Western Conference, struggling with defense and crap goaltending with Backstrom hurt and the video Josh Harding suffering from last year's ratings far more than his real-life counterpart.

Here's the thing though: I don't give a shit anymore. That, of course, might be a natural course for the emotional and social evolution of a 30-year-old married father of two, but I would suggest that evolution ends at birth.

I miss the Isle. Generally, my nerves can't handle the two-fers that occur so often during an Isles season, real and virtual: The big club loses, I fire up the Xbox and the little club loses, and it's alarmingly damaging to my psyche. But I am going back. Back to call up Kyle Oh!poso, back to call up Tambellini, back to trade Jon Sim for a freebie d-man. And back to cut Andy Sutton's ass.

It is the only upside of the real Islanders playing like this: I can actually play better than the real Islanders using a game that has made me consider giving up video games altogether.

We shall see.

Unrelated hockey thought

I heard last week or so on a Canadian talk radio show that will remain unnamed (rhymes with HNIK), one of the commentators posit that Mats Sundin, were he to not accept a trade to a Cup-contending team, would be guilty of displaying a Lack of Desire to Win the Cup.

That, my friends, is the ESPN side of the Canadian hockey media, and one reason many stars are happy to play in America.

Bat shit crazy.

Updated with post-game thoughts

1. Dave Jackson? Thanks. Asshole.

2. When the fuck did Howie and Billy the Turd decide to start calling Michel Therrien "Mike"? What the fuck.

3. Comeau should have been wearing water wings for that dive in the third.

4. Mike Comrie? Fantasy beast. And not a terrible fight, either. Asshole must have said something about Hillary.

5. Deb looks nice in red. Cuddly.

6. Celebrity Rehab would be a hell of a lot more interesting if they voted someone off each episode.

7. Pitchers and catchers?

Watching Hockey

Another tough night. Here are some things I said over the course of the night. At least some things I’m pretending I said.

(I missed the first period of the Isle and Ranger game)

“A bad first period for the Rangers? Nice.”

“Butch is criticizing the Isles. Can’t be good.”

“No score? That’s practically a win. Ease up, Butch.”

“Sweet, the Rangers are losing to LA.”

“Shit. Should’ve had that one brother DiPietro.”

“Someone’s really got to tell Avery that it’s not illegal to TOUCH HIM.”

“Good god, Guerin. Matt could’ve put that in.”

“Ok, I can accept 1-0. We’ll get ‘em in the third.”

“Some decent cycling… Oh, keep it in…. No way he can score from there—or maybe he can. How the hell did that go in?”

“#%&@!. THREE GOALS? Maybe the Rangers are still losing...”

“Please. For the love of god and all that is holy, HIT SOMEONE.”

“Ho, ho. All those bad singers on American Idol crack me up.”

“Fedotenko’s scored 2 goals in 32 games? He blows even more than I thought.”

“I wonder if Billy Jaffe could be signed…”

“Oh, please don’t score… Thank you Jason LaBarbera.”

“Jagr looks like hell.”

“oooohhh, take it off, take it aaaall off…”

Sorry to burden you with such trite nonsense, but I needed to write something. It was either this or a long post where I type “All lose and no win make Bill a dull boy” over and over and over and over...

Fuck it in a rug.

I don't even know what that means, but that's how I'm feeling about the Islanders right now. They lost 3-0 to the Ducks. I couldn't watch because the Rangers, Sabres, high school basketball, and Syracuse Sports Hall of Fame Induction rerun were on tonight. Time Warner giveth (the NHL Network), and Time Warner taketh away.

Call it the doldrums, whatever, but I've been enjoying an extended All-Star break from hockey (the Mets' and the Giants' weeks providing some much-needed mid-winter respite), a break from which I was looking forward to returning tonight. The excitement was short-lived.

Fuck it.



I'm going to play some NHL 08, watch this ridiculous Millionaire Matchmaker show with the Upstate Ice Girl, and maybe read a few Mets forum posts before I go to bed.

I've got a few things to say, but I'm feeling muddy and tired for now. Wake me for the stretch run.

Hard Times

Somewhere in between coming home Thursday night to find that the Isles somehow lost to the Kings at home and watching Bill Guerin make a criminally bad pass on the power play against the Canadiens, I realized that we have officially reached that point in the Isles season. After a few months of overachieving, the wheels start to come off and I have to make the decision of wanting to see the Isles make the playoffs or just hoping that they stop playing entirely and save me the money I would spend on a playoff ticket.

I know, I know. I shouldn't give up. I should always stick by the Islanders. And I do. It's not like I'm gonna become a Rangers fan instead. I still have a soul (and a reasonably working set of male genitals). It's just that if this is how the Islanders are going to play to start off a playoff run, well maybe I could, you know, get a different hobby for the next few months and make travel plans for the late spring. The Isles' offensive "attack" is so awful that whenever they go down a goal, I start to feel like the game is over. More importantly, it looks like the Isles have decided the same. If I have to see the vacant, slack-jawed looks on Satan and Vasicek's faces for another game, I'm taking a hostage (note to authorities: just kidding). Ditto for the standard shot of Bergeron sitting on the bench looking pissed about the mistake he just made. And Guerin, God bless him, well after that pass that led to the shorthanded goal the other afternoon, I may have said some very untoward things about him and the similarity he bears to a feminine hygiene product. A lot. I'm not apologizing.

A look at the Isles' schedule for the last month of the season alternately gives me hope and makes me want to get my doctor to prescribe me some more anti-anxiety pills. To wit:

Tue Mar 4, 2008  Islanders v. Rangers
Thu Mar 6, 2008  Rangers v. Islanders
Sat Mar 8, 2008  Islanders v. Flyers
Tue Mar 11, 2008  Islanders v. Lightning
Wed Mar 12, 2008  Islanders v. Panthers
Sat Mar 15, 2008  Islanders v. Canadiens
Tue Mar 18, 2008  Maple Leafs v. Islanders
Fri Mar 21, 2008  Islanders v. Devils
Sun Mar 23, 2008  Islanders v. Flyers
Mon Mar 24, 2008  Penguins v. Islanders
Thu Mar 27, 2008  Islanders v. Penguins
Sat Mar 29, 2008  Flyers v. Islanders
Tue Apr 1, 2008  Devils v. Islanders
Thu Apr 3, 2008  Rangers v. Islanders
Fri Apr 4, 2008  Islanders v. Rangers 

Not a lot of easy wins there. And four games against the Rangerks, including a season-ending home-and-home. Oh boy.

So, I guess what I'm saying is that if this team has any heart, now would be a good time to start showing it. Maybe the Tambellini and Nielsen callups will get things going. Maybe Comrie stops auditioning for the role of Jason Blake and starts making better decisions with the puck. Maybe DiPietro finally gets rewarded with some wins.

The Rangers fans are barking, guys. Time to get going.

[On a positive note, Kip Brennan got called up, too. Maybe he'll get to kick some ass. Or rip a fan's shirt off.]

A Stupid Argument: Brodeur vs. Garnett

I don’t even remember how it started, but in defending the good name of our great sport, I said that Martin Brodeur has better name recognition than Kevin Garnett. This kind of asinine arguing should seriously be confined to college dining halls. But that aside, part of me actually thinks Pete was right. These heartland morons who think hockey is played by Eskimos and Swedes would probably kill Brodeur in a survey simply because his name “sounds Chinese or something.” That would mean a good player in the NBA who hasn’t won anything is more popular than a three-time Stanley cup winning goalie who’s changed the sport and will go out as possibly the greatest goaltender in the history of the game. Good god, is hockey THAT unpopular?

The truth is, it’s probably a good thing. The more corporate sponsors get their greedy little endorsements into our game, the uglier it will be. They promote individual accomplishment at the expense of team achievement which is rotting other pro sports from the inside. Imagine Vinny Lecavalier running off to the Bahamas with Britney Spears the weekend before the playoffs start. Picture Rick Nash choking Ken Hitchcock and Malkin carrying around a midget claiming that it’s “just Evgeni being Evgeni.” And envision Sean Avery getting busted for having a chicken fighting ring in his basement… Actually, that probably will happen.

Luckily, the NHL's athletes still seem to be sound, humble people. Plus, we've got the NHL network so we can listen to competent announcers (Gary Green I am NOT looking in your direction) discuss each game in depth. I no longer have to pray that a Ranger fan calls into Steve Summers' show on 660 WFAN so that he’ll talk about hockey instead of the Mets' bullpen for the seventh straight month. Ticket prices have remained close to reasonable and everyone I play pickup hockey with is cool. Popularity be damned, it won’t do anything for me. So suck on that, canuck, as you buy a scalped ticket to watch the 14^th place Leafs. All that popularity ain’t bringing home the silverware. Where was I? Oh yeah, Garnett’s more popular. I lose.

Vinny Lecavalier (the one on the bottom)